How to solve relationship problems without breaking up
SOLVE RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS WITHOUT BREAKING UP
“Nothing works itself out in marriage, knowledge does”
“Courtship and Marriages Should boost your happiness not shut it down”
THE ROOT OF RELATIONSHIP CRISIS
Too many people have become so unfortunate in their courtships (dating life) and marriages. Some are already tired of being in the relationship. Some are looking for solutions to the problems in their marriages. Some have tried all they know to do just for things to work out, yet, it seems the rainbow wouldn’t change colors. Some wants to put an end to the relationship but doesn’t know how to. Some thought sex, money or changing their personality will make things work out. Some wants to know if their in a wrong relationship.
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There are so many questions that both the singles and married ones are asking which time will not permit me to list. And as a matter of fact I can’t list all the questions even though I am given the whole of time because; an attempt to wanna list all the questions is like wanting to count the sands at the seashore. You can see how impossible it is.
Many people experiencing unfair issues in their relationships has knowledge too but having knowledge is not enough, you must have the right knowledge if things must work out for you in your relationship. The first thing we must understand is what relationship is all about. Let me say this even as we continue, lack of the right knowledge not just what you considered to be knowledge but the lack of the right knowledge is the reason for so many crisis in courtships and marriages.
Let’s talk about “Relationship”
Often times when people hear the word relationship what comes to mind is a man and a woman affair. Or let me put it in a better way, people’s minds are easily been channeled to an idealized form of love that could either be platonic or non-platonic form. So whether platonic or non-platonic, the fact remains the same that it is easy for mind to think towards that when it comes to issues that pertains to relationship.
It is an interesting thing to know that relationships talks about an affair which takes place between a man and a woman, love, marriage, courtship (wooing a woman) and alike. But it will not just be interesting but also wise to know that that’s not all there is to relationship. Follow me closely.
Relationship is a wide as the sky, as deep as the ocean and a lengthy as the surface of the earth. Having a narrow understanding and been ignorant of what relationship is all about is the major cause of marital crisis everywhere.
You see, just as life do not just reward those that labour hard, so understanding marriage relationship tips alone doesn’t promise a successful marriage. Life rewards those that understand it principles and takes step to be successful in marriage you will need to understand relationship in full details. Until this happens, there’s no guarantee that many more marriages will not crash.
Seeing relationship from the eyes of marriage alone is like seeing and believing that your two legs are the most important part of your body. There’s a need for me to emphasize on this so for you to know that, there is more to relationship than what just happen between a man and a woman (marriage).
Even some people believes that all what relationship does talk about is sex, giving of money, you must also get me something when I get you one, doing just what I want, we must always be together, we must fight at least once a while, you do what comes to your mind while I also do mine and so on. I think it is high time you stop thinking you have your own personal understanding on what relationship is all about that’s not consistent with time.
MIXED UP TRUTH
Many has diluted knowledge concerning relationships, and that’s why they find some areas of their lives annoying and frustrating many times. Some people do not believe in what is called friendship again even when the bible say “there are friends that stick closer than a Brother” (Prov.18:24), and some do believe there’s no woman or man that is a wife or husband material they say, even when the bible says “He that find a wife or husband find a good thing and obtain favour of the lord. (Prov. 18:22). These set of people shouldn’t be blamed it is their diluted knowledge that should be corrected as far as relationship is concerned.
Just like when you try to mix two colours together that gives you another colour entirely, I could remember we tried that in secondary school. So it is when you have diluted knowledge of anything It will always get you and produce another outcome.
Actually the problem is that it is something difficult for people to admit that the knowledge they are acting on is nothing but a knowledge that will never get them their desired results, because the same knowledge as been diluted. And when we are dealing with issues pertaining to relationship we mustn’t find it so difficult to admit we’re wrong when we are wrong. “To get better in and on anything you must always believe in improvement by giving room to corrections”.
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YOU WILL HATE GETTING MARRIED
Now a time comes when you begin to hate marriage and you no longer will believe there’s any serious relationship or relationship that worth your trust. Don’t be too quick to jump into that kind of conclusion Brother & Sister. “What is making you to hate (marriage) what you should like is lack or absent of the right and exact info you need”.
To many sisters, when you make mention of guys there’s this feeling of hatred that pumps up within them which tells on their faces immediately and also reflect in their voice. This could be because the experience they had over the time or what they hear married wowen say and see them go through. “Nobody hates anything or anybody because of nothing”, but I am telling you right now that no matter what it is that’s making you to develop a kind of hatred to what you should love (Friendship, Courtship & Marriage relationship) needs to be well addressed strategically.
GOAL OF RELATIONSHIP
The goal of relationship is positive and will always remain positive. Relationship should bring you joy, happiness, new ideas, laughter, good memories and not sadness, hatred towards what you should like, fight, curse, regrets and alike. Most especially when dealing with marriage relationships. Even before I tell you the types of relationship that truly exist, you must first believe the goals of relationships are positive. This is what made us talked about a diluted knowledge.
Never believe in diluted knowledge when it comes to relationship, your knowledge must be definite and right. Believe that the good of relationships is positive, first believe that.
FOUNDATIONAL CAUSE OF MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM
The foundational cause of marital crisis and question of the single ladies and guys that are yet to be answered is because they only wants to understand how to be successful martially, forgetting or not even knowing and been aware that the first understanding we need is the whole of relationship life understanding. Like I wrote earlier, “Relationship is more than marriages, who I am dating or courting, sex, having your own family and who to marry.
Let me say this, I know this might be too hard on you or bitter to you, remember that the truth is always bitter “You cannot succeed martially when you do not succeed in relationship”.
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With that statement I just made you should get the picture of what (the relationship) I have being trying to paint clearly. Meaning how serious and urgent we need to attend and pay a serious attention to relationship first as the body, before marriage as just a part of the body. Now there is a need to understand relationship before the types.
THEN WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP?
Relationship is like a fruit tree with many branches. Now we must understand that the branches are not always of the same sizes and that a branch of that same tree could carry more fruits than another. Let me say this before I proceed, we also need to understand that no matter how big and how fruitful a branch of tree may be it can’t survive on its own when it has been cut off. Meaning no matter what you know about courtship and marriage not understanding RELATIONSHIP will still cause you problem.
Everything that was, existed because there was a relationship. Everything we see now, exists because there is a relationship. And everything that will be will be because there will be a relationship. Without relationship there is no life. Too many people believe they are in wrong relationship (as per courtship or marriage) whereas some are not, they only think they are because there is a lack of an understanding, not necessarily about marriage or courtship but about the whole body of relationship.
I will like to also explain relationship from the stand point of a whole body. There are some who has just one leg, some has no hands, but still living, some has no eyes (as important as it is) but they are still living, some has no teeth but still doing fine, that is good and we’re not saying this to ridicule anyone. We’re driving somewhere please, now have you ever seen someone walking, eating, dancing, talking, playing or doing something without a head? The answer is “NO”. that simply means without the head no life in other parts of the body. Little wonder, almost all the methods for a living being to gather data about the world (the five senses) are located around and within the head. As regards to this illustration, the head is relationship meaning marriage is parts of the body that is not head.
Dating (courtship) is any other parts of the body that is not head. Friendship is any other parts of the body that is not head and so on.
Every other parts of the body aside the head are also good and important to the body but the head remains to be the topmost, foremost and the leading part of the body” and you can also say “the hesd is the leading part to the body”.
That’s why most ladies do not joke with their heads (their faces and hair do) because it is the leading part of the body. So also relationship is the first thing you should understand.
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DEFINITION OF RELATIONSHIP
Relationship can be defined as what made you to be where you are, as what makes life to be at the level it is right now and what will make life to be where it will be tomorrow. Relationship talks about two or more people or things coming together to fulfill a purpose, or carry out an assignment. While on this note we can define relationship to be the condition of being related. Relationship is life.
TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS
There are three (3) types of relationships. Every other kinds of relationships aside this three are derivative of this three; meaning they comes from either of this three.
THIS WILL BLESS YOU
The first type of Relationship is;
- Divine Relationship (Relationship with God)
The second type of Relationship is;
- Human Relationship (Relationship between persons)
The third type of Relationship is:
- Manipulatory Relationship (Satanic/devilish relationship)
I will start with the least in order of their arrangement.
Manipulatory talks of or pertaining to manipulation. In science, the word manipulation means something different. The word manipulation is advantageous to their study. But in the real life sense manipulation means distort, deviate, go astray, aberration and so on.
Manipulation means to manage or influence a person or people and things skillfully & strategically, especially in an unfair manner that could lead to mistrust (not to trust again), hopelessness, frustration, psychological, injury, emotional trauma, being hateful, being rigid, affectionless (incapable of empathy), being bitter often times and many more.
You know what, by the time you stayed too long under the influence and management of manipulation (Satan) without a break through, coming out and overcoming this influence in your journey in life, a time will come when nothing really make sense in life, when boredom becomes the only language you speak and the only feeling you experience, when your dating (courtship life) and marriage life becomes so annoying, to an extent you will feel and think being single as a man and a woman is better off than to sign a life contract of marriage with someone.
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''What God want with you is what you need with people and what Satan want with you,that is relationship'' and the more reason why you need this understanding.
MANIPULATION – MANIPULATOR – SATAN.
An aberrated truth (Diluted Knowledge) is manipulation. And the availability of manipulation is the availability of the manipulator. When the manipulator which is the devil is around then you must know that lie is around, deceit is available, diluted knowledge is available. Satan owns deceit,deceit owns Satan. Let me just tell you how Satan had deceived so many people in any kinds of relationships (marriage relationship, courtship relationship, friendship relationship) John 8:44, Genesis 3:13
Satan knows how to destroy any good and interesting relationship of any kind by adding to the truth you had a lie. Read this carefully, Satan will bring information as, there is nobody that is good, and nobody can be perfect. Adam and Eve loosed their original state when diluted knowledge came in (Genesis 3); when God says the possibility exist”, Satan will make you say No when to say Yes, you can’t get through it, you can’t overcome this particular situation and Satan will bring examples related to your predicament that had no solutions, even when God is showing you another of same situation that is resolved, Satan will want you to always accept an unfortunate, trying position or condition and a tight spot.
SATAN, COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE
Now that you know the aim of Satan randomly, let’s know how he manipulates courtships and marriages. I don’t really wanna dwell much on this but I have to while I explain better in volume 2.
It is Satan that makes you think marriage is both good and bad, that you shouldn’t honour your spouse, that you can beat your wife so she can fear you, that you do what you want once in a while without giving regard to your husband opinion or reaching agreement with him, that taking issues lightly with your spouse means you are dull, that you don’t need a God fearing person to be your marriage adviser, that your in-law are not part of your family, that you don’t need God when it comes to marital issues, that your brain is all that is needed, that opposite sex could still be your best friend in marriage, that as a man you are the dictator, that you should not believe some of what you’re reading right now.
Remember you read about the goal of relationship, that the goal is positive and will always be positive. The goal of relationship is not to make you regret starting the relationship. But no one will not regret any kind of relationship when the manipulator is the manager – when the truth about relationship has been diluted and misshapen.
Human Relationship is that relationship that talks about the relationship which only exists between two or more people and groups. Human relationship is the most complex of all the three types of relationships. And it is the most confusing of all, reason been that, it is not clear to obscurity due to the multiple parts it has, unlike the other two.
Human existence comprises of relationships whether or not you understand relationship you cannot live without being in one. It will be bitter not to have your understanding darken but enlightened because it will be the determinant of how fair and unfair life becomes to you.
KINDS OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIP
There are five (5) kinds of human relationship that makes human relationship meaningful and interesting
- Family (extended blood) relationship
- Courtship/Marriage relationship
- Friendship relationship
- Business/Career relationship
- Casual (by chance) relationship
Almost everybody finds themselves in all of this five relationships while some will at least find themselves in three or two out of it all. The truth is, we need relationship to live. It is what makes things happen.
I will be explaining the five relationships in concise so as to not get you confused. It will be well divided into parts to give more details to provide a more in depth analysis of the five relationships in the “Volume 2”. Most especially the courtship and marriage relationships
Family relationship in this regard talks of lineage - descent in a line from a common progenitor. Either knowingly or unknowingly each and everyone has his or her own descending line of offspring - bloodline - the abstract link between a person and their ancestors.
Some has mark of recognition on their faces or other parts of their bodies so as to know the family they belong. This strategy was really effective unlike today, due to the level of civilization.
This is where we have our grandfathers, great grandfather, grandmother, great grandmother, uncle, aunt, niece, nephew, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, cousin, grand uncle, grand aunt, grand nieces, and grand nephew e.t.c.
As said earlier, I will explain in details in “Volume 2” because some people can wait to just understand in depth what courtship is all about, how to get it right, how to solve courtship problem, how to be happy and make marriage work and many more alike.
Courtship is as important as the marriage itself. Courtship is the period typically between two individuals (a man and a woman) with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability, understanding the other’s language of character and attitude and blending of the same before signing of a life contract of marriage.
Courtship is the room of preparation. It is where you get yourself adequately prepared for marriage. Let me say this, “Most of what happen in your courtship, in most of what will happen in your marriage”. You need to understand courtship. Volume two will explain better.
Marriage as generally known is to be a union between a man and a woman with their children. That is true but that is not all there is to marriage. To take a husband or a wife shouldn’t be by force or error (Unwanted pregnancy) but legally or formally. The word “TAKE” doesn’t just mean without seeking counsel or been authoritative, it also means to “DECIDE”. So it is the duty of both parties (A man & a woman) to decide they want to marry themselves formally.
Marriage is so powerful because one marriage is a generation on it own once children is involved. “Marriage remains to be a trap to the unprepared while it is the promise land to the prepared”. Oh, this is powerful, getting married to the wrong person for you will definitely makes you hate everything that makes you to be happy. Meaning marriage affects every other areas of your life either porsitively or negatively. Volume 2 will explain better on the causes of marital crisis, expected problems and the solutions.
Friendship relationship is that relationship that talks about mutual affection between people. Friendship has all to do with mutual fondness, typically one exclusive of sexual or family associations or connection. There’s a need to be careful when dealing with RELATIONSHIP. There is a kind of friend called “Friend with benefits”, originally this is an idiomatic expression meaning, a friend with whom one has a casual sexual relationship with. Now you could see how aberrated the truth about relationship has become. There is nothing as that under or about relationship “friend with benefits”, it is the work of the Manipulator the devil, Satan.
Friend is a person who you know well and knows you well, who you like a lot and likes you a lot, who you hate his enemy and hates yours too, who you can trust and can trust you, who advices you and you advice and many mutual likenesses. We will dig deeper in volume two.
Business and career relationship is somehow wide and should be explicit - well detailed. But in this volume, it will be concised. As far as the earth is concerned, Businesses and careers are so important and human being or let me put it straight to you that we can’t do without business, career and everything that pertains to it. That’s why it falls under human relationships because it is human being that need to do business.
Business is the activity that involves making one’s living, making money, putting physical effort or mental effort into something in order to get something in return. Career is said to be an occupation or profession undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress. There is more to business in volume 2. It is business/career that makes many people sleeps late at night, and wakes up early in the morning to catch up with one or two people or things. There is a way business and a career works and how it must be handled before you could enjoy it benefits. “Volume 2 will explain better”
CASUAL (BY CHANCE) RELATIONSHIP
Casual relationships are those relations that often occur between two or more unknown people. Casual relationships are nearest in meaning to a friendship relationship. This kind of relationship happens every day, not necessarily with you but around you. It is relationship that is not dependable neither reliable. It is temporally.
They only seriousness in this relationship is when it as to do with buying & selling aside that, it is a relationship of fun, gist, general discussion. Although, it is possible for one to learn one or two thins during the discussion but majorly it is for fun.
For example, bus discussion (not everybody in the bus know themselves personally but that doesn’t mean they cannot discuss before they all gets to their different bus stops. This relationship happens in the market also. It also happen when going to somewhere you have lost your directions, you can ask someone or people you see to direct you and when that happens casual relationship just took place.
DIVINE RELATIONSHIP (RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD)
“What God wants with you is what you need with human and it is what Satan wants with you (Relationship).
Not understanding this relationship (Relationship with God) and having this relationship will makes every other relationships annoying, frustrating & you can’t get other relationship right.
The first relationship a man/woman should understand is the divine relationship. When you don’t have a serious and meaningful relationship with God, no other relationship will work no matter the tips or laws of any relationship you know and working with, minus God in your relationship will always equal to failure, regrets, tears, agony, blame, problems and untimely destruction.
Too many people, most especially youth believe in their heads knowledge, they think and say God do not understand relationship, that God is in heaven and they are on earth it is these same people looking for how to make things work out in their relationship (courtships and marriages) when you don’t have serious relationship with God no tips or laws will work for you. The tips and laws you are looking for and receiving are not bad in themselves but relationships is more than just the tips and laws. Relationships are spiritual and you need spirit to relate with spirits. God is a spirit and Satan is a spirit, that’s why they need relationship with you because they already know you need one of them to survive in your relationship in life.
God had arranged and purposed how he can have fellowship with you at all time. He want that relationship with you, reason why he created man and woman. God wants a genuine relationship with you and knows you need what he wants with you on earth also, that was why he said without him (God) you can’t do anything, meaning you can't get any other relationship right.
Remember that God is the originator of marriage (Gen 2:26, 3:13) that was why he said you can’t get is right with any other human being like yourself unless he (God) shows you how you can get it right.
Any relationship that is not giving God glory will give those in it problem. You can’t just continue to sin against God (not having a serious relationship with him) and expect your relationship life to be fine. “God had wired us that anytime an area of our life is not giving him glory should give us problem”.
It is only after you are genuinely serious with God that courtship and marriage tips, laws, advices will work. Remember that the manipulator Satan will tell you not to believe this nor take is serious.
God has given man the greatest gift and that is the gift of Holy Spirit that will teach you everything (John 14:26). When you give your life to Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour from confusion and aberrated truth (diluted knowledge) then you ask for Holy Spirit to come and teach you all things including how to succeed martially. God will send the Holy Spirit to you. This is the first knowledge you need. In the volume two, we will talk more about courtship and marriage.